I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
