everyone is single if you try hard enough
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
