You can't special order awesome
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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