do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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