she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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