I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
