we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
