I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
