I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
