the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
