I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
