omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
