i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
