i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
