Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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