Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
