Duck Duck Cougar?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
