4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
