Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
