sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
