Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i now understand why vodka
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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