PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
