So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
