I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
