i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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