Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
