Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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