Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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