btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
