haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
