I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
