My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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