On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
