You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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