Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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