I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
