things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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