You kept calling me your small dog last night.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Randomize