haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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