i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
