u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
