I can text with my tongue
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
