I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
