I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
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Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
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Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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