Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize