I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
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I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
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I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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