I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
