Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
