What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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