I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
