so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
