Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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