I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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