I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
