That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
