Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
