A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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