please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
