I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
