your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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