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Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
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