I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.