I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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