Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
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I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
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I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.