i already hear my dad disowning me
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.