I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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