My room smells like vodka and shame
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
