So drunk its hurt
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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