I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
