grandma shit on top of the toilet
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!