When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
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Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
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then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days