Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
