What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
