o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
