I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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