I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Come see our sink grown plant.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much