Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.

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  (503): bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it. http://tfl.nu/wqus
  Replies (20) Good night (4497) Bad night (715)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs

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  (516): I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs http://tfl.nu/s3ms
  Replies (19) Good night (5034) Bad night (1376)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.

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  (734): He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another. http://tfl.nu/sx70
  Replies (11) Good night (4452) Bad night (1650)
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  (408): View more from California

  You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.

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  (408): You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it. http://tfl.nu/jmvc
  Replies (6) Good night (1263) Bad night (805)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"

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  (720): I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship" http://tfl.nu/hte5
  Replies (14) Good night (1389) Bad night (692)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"

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  (303): I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis" http://tfl.nu/qqqf
  Replies (6) Good night (1534) Bad night (592)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.

  (1-561): View more from Florida

  How high are you?

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  (561): Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter. (1-561): How high are you? http://tfl.nu/9cbn
  Replies (18) Good night (972) Bad night (1600)
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  (818): View more from California

  I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving

  (1-818): View more from California

  At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.

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  (818): I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving (1-818): At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it. http://tfl.nu/g80b
  Replies (1) Good night (865) Bad night (391)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit

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  (309): trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit http://tfl.nu/sld4
  Replies (3) Good night (966) Bad night (421)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...

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  (785): I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench... http://tfl.nu/97xe
  Replies (1) Good night (471) Bad night (324)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."

  (239): View more from Florida

  I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.

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  (412): wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends." (239): I hope you know that means regardless of their gender. http://tfl.nu/t7uy
  Replies (3) Good night (841) Bad night (342)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.

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  (307): Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school. http://tfl.nu/nzko
  Replies (0) Good night (491) Bad night (277)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.

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  (231): It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex. http://tfl.nu/riag
  Replies (1) Good night (528) Bad night (355)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.

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  (716): Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped. http://tfl.nu/yje2
  Replies (3) Good night (353) Bad night (886)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday

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  (530): He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday http://tfl.nu/dy0x
  Replies (0) Good night (461) Bad night (204)

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