I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
