i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just invented taco cereal.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
