I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
