why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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