I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
