just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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