you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
