im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
