bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
